Why The World Loves Chameleon

Chameleons, as you probably know, are reptiles in the animal kingdom that have the unique ability to change their appearance at will depending on their environment.  They are fantastic creatures that can take on so many vibrant and complex forms, that sooner or later you start to wonder what the chameleon really is.  Is a chameleon anything constant? Or is the chameleon always in flux?  Is the chameleon ever something, or is it naturally always in a state of becoming?

In the human realm, "Chameleons" are the most charming people in the world because they reflect you.  They are never themselves until its too late, and even then, we never know who they are.  All we know is that they change.

You fall in love with them because you see yourself in them; they absorb your energy and feed it back to you.  You think they are perfect.  Furthermore, you think they are perfect for you.  For as long as you are with them, it always feels right. 

You feel like nothing can go wrong because you have a special bond.  You make life plans.  You make important decisions.  Then all of a sudden things change.  It seems cold and calculating.  How could they feel one way one week, and feel completely different the next?  Why the sudden change?

This week I wrote about love not being fair, and about how things can change so fast without any definitive cause.  I wrote about being blindsided.  I've thought more about this, and heard some pretty upsetting accounts from some good friends.  It seems to be the season of loss when it comes to relationships and friendships everywhere.  Amazing people seem to be strung along, lied to, and ignored by ones who claimed to love them not too long ago.  How could so many smart and fantastic people be so wrong about people that seemed so made for them?

I think the answer is that the Chameleons make themselves perfect for whoever they want to be with at the moment.  Its a coping mechanism that they use to feel as if they are a part of something, and to fit into an environment - whatever that environment may be.  It's not that they don't really think that they love the other person, its that they don't really know how to be themselves and if you never know yourself, then you can never really love at all, much less love someone else the way they deserve to be loved.  Chameleons change with change, they don't rise above change - they completely adapt so that they never have to feel alone.  I think that Chameleon's are people who are never really satisfied with anything that they have.  It's just a theory, so you are free to disagree, but it is my observation that these types are people are generally hard to please because they are always in need of something other than what they readily have.  They don't commit to things for very long because they bore easily.  And they generally change when things get difficult to deal with.  I assume the chameleon is adverse to conflict, so they disappear until they "need" you again.

I don't know if it's possible for a chameleon to ever not be a chameleon anymore.  I do know that for someone who is serious about forging lasting bonds, it can seem completely heartless for the chameleon to blatantly disregard people who most deserve the courtesy of honesty and respect.  I know relationships are a two way street, and we both play parts in failed relationships, but its so hard to get on with your life when it seems so easy for the Chameleon to get on with theirs.

I can hear a lot of you shouting: "get off you're high horse".  I respond to that by readily admitting that I'm not perfect in the least.  I have acted in ways that I'm really not proud of, and can't help it any more than a Chameleon can help, well, being a Chameleon.  The rest of the world love's Chameleons because we are just as selfish as they are.  We are selfish because we want to believe that there is someone that gets us - we put unrealistic expectations on the people we love, so we are partly to blame for willingly blinding ourselves with subjectivity.

Perhaps we, the other half of the world, are varying degrees of possessive or narcissistic...or both.  No one is perfect, after all.  Chameleons are selfish because they constantly deny themselves and become what they think they need to be to survive another day in the world they think they belong, for now.

There's such a problem here that I have a migraine thinking about it.  How can we ever be really happy?  How can we be happy if we constantly keep looking to others to reaffirm how we feel about ourselves?  How can we stop hurting one another if we keep mindlessly self-indulging in unhealthy relationships?  I don't even know if its possible, but I can't imagine life without wearing my heart on my sleeve.  People like me fall in love with fantastic people and ideas, and others, perhaps, just don't.  At least, not in the same way.  I know that I will leap into the future and not expect so much from myself, from others, and from the Chameleons that come in and out of my life.  But I take pride in the fact that I can still feel - that loyalty and commitment mean something to me, even if it sometimes seems like those things don't exist, or exist in the people you spent so much time learning to love.

There's no great way to end this post, because there's no closure to an ongoing problem.  I'll only close by saying this:

To those who love, don't stop, but love because you can not because need to.  Feel because you are human, not because you want to feel human.   

To the Chameleons, I hope one day you'll give yourself a chance to be hurt.  I really hope that one day you care about someone enough to let them be themselves, and love yourself enough to be yourself.

Arianne TongComment